we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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