If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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