i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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