He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
