It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
