so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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