I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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