Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
