Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
