guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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