I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
