just come out here and I will go home with you...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
