On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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