i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
