You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
