I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
