I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
