Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
