I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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