It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
