I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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