Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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