yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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