On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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