We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
