Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
