My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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