So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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