Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
