just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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