how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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