Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
