I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
soo... how was my night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize