I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
