When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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