Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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