worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
