i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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