I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
