That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
