stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
