so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
