I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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