i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His nipple licking is glorious
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