Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
