Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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