I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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