i don't plan on having that self control this summer
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
