other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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