i don't like sucking hair
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
