I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
