i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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