There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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