The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
