I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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