I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
