Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize