wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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