You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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