Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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