He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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