$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it's like iHOP with fire
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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