so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
