I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are we still banned from the library?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
