So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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