You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Someone came in the potted fern
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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