i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
