At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
